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Monday, September 29th 2008

7:25 AM

Equal time for the "Duh!" Brigade

I was turning on the TV for my birds today when a commercial on behalf of (believe it or not) high fructose corn syrup grabbed me by the throat and said WATCH ME! Whenever I leave the house for an extended period, I turn on HGTV for my pair of parakeets. The bird-owner books all say you should make sure they have music or TV while you're gone, or they get very lonely. However, if I'm going to allow a constant influx of electronic messages to be beamed into my home, I'm going to make sure that it's constructive, happy vibes. Besides, maybe I'll come home some day and find that the birds have learned that scattering seeds on the floor is NOT conducive to fine design.
 
Jeff and I were on our way out the door to go to Home Depot when I was captured by the following scene:
 
 
 
A BEAUTIFUL BACK YARD BARBECUE IS IN PROGRESS.
HAPPY CHILDREN RUN ABOUT AND THERE IS THE SOUND
OF LAUGHTER AND LIGHT CHATTER. TWO MOM-AGED
WOMEN ARE CONVENED AT THE BUFFET TABLE AND
ONE IS POURING A GLASS OF SOME SORT OF FRUIT
FLAVORED DRINK FROM A ONE GALLON PLASTIC JUG.
THE MUSIC PLAYING IS LIGHT AND COMICAL ...
 
MOM 1
(with barely disguised disdain)
Boy, you don't care what your kids drink, do you?
 
MOM 2
(bemused, continues pouring)
Why?
 
MOM 1
That stuff's got high fructose corn syrup in it.
You know what they say about that.
 
MOM 2
(dubious)
What?
 
MUSIC STOPS DEAD, LEAVING UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE
 
MOM 1
(suddenly feels stupid and small)
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...
 
MOM 2
Thought so, bitch.
 
 
 
Okay, maybe that's not the way it went, verbatim, but that was certainly the message the ad agency was hoping to convey. Watch it here:
 
 

 
 
I'm not saying that I know for a fact which side is right. I lean toward the side that says HFCS isn't on the "healthy" list. That's not even really my problem with this commercial. The subject matter itself isn't even what I object to. It's the way they delivered the message. Here's what the woman from the Duh! Brigade would have said, if this commercial weren't such bald-faced propaganda.
 
 
 
MOM 1
Studies are showing that HFCS suppresses the hormone
that tells your stomach it's full, so you keep feeling hungry
long after you've eaten a healthy portion. Given that, it might
not be a bad idea to limit your kids' intake.
 
MOM 2
Perhaps, but lots of jobs are on the line, so I tell myself that
it's made of corn and, in moderation, just as safe as sugar.
 
MOM 1
I guess you haven't heard what they're saying about sugar.
 
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