Melissa Etheridge has come out of a second closet, and this time it's the one I've been in. So I want to thank her, from the bottom of my heart, for doing dual duty this lifetime and helping even more of us to feel okay about who we are. This time she's stepped out of the "new age" closet.
A dear friend gave me a copy of Melissa Etheridge's The Awakening Live DVD/CD set for my birthday last week and it blew the top of my head off. I felt like the guy in the old Memorex ad with the music blowing him backward.
She definitely is Awakened, and isn't playing small with it, like so many of us feel we must do because of all the eye-rolling we get. From the first song to the last, she hits nerve after nerve after nerve and leaves me ecstatic to be alive by the end of the show.
The album is more or less dedicated to telling the story of Melissa's spiritual awakening and it's quite obvious from the lyrics and the power of the performance that she gets it. it's also a demonstration of her courage to step out of yet another closet and declare openly what she knows to be the truth--that WE are god, and that god is just love--a truth that many of us are finding it difficult to declare because of the sarcastic disbelief of friends and family.
I could write pages and pages telling you about the whole concert and every song's message, but I want to focus right now on one song in particular. It's the song I've chosen for my profile on my MySpace page. It's called Message to Myself, and it spoke to me immediately because I've done this! I've sent messages to myself! She starts out like this:
I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
It reminded me of one of the more powerful realizations I've had over the years. I've told this story before, but it bears repeating. Many years ago, many many years ago, when I was still a single mom struggling to make it in the standup comedy world, I was writing at my desk late one night. The house was completely quiet other than the sound of my fingers clacking away on the keyboard.
Suddenly, I was startled by someone in the doorway. Actually, startled isn't the word. It scared the bejesus out of me, because no one else was in the house except for the kids, and they were sound asleep. I would have heard one of them getting up and walking across the house to my doorway, it was that quiet.
I looked up toward whomever it was, and saw it was me. Once the reality of this registered, the "me" in the doorway disappeared with a "pop" and I spent the next several days in awe and disbelief. But no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I was hallucinating, or dreaming, or making shit up, I know what I saw. However, I couldn't explain it. I just knew that after I got over the initial "Boo!" reaction, I knew that this was an amazing and cool experience and that somehow--even though life was very hard--I'd be okay.
Fast forward a few years and a quantum leap in consciousness or two.
One day, in the middle of a lucid dream-like meditation, when I was feeling particularly connected and centered, I suddenly found myself popping into the midnight doorway of a crappy little third-floor walkup apartment in the Chicago suburbs, to scare the bejesus out of a younger me. I saw myself startled and smiled, sending an "it's okay, you'll be okay," message to myself.
Since then, I've consciously done this. From time to time, circumstances will remind me of a time that I was really struggling to get where I am now, so I'll get into a headspace of connection with that struggling me and send love and strength backward through time. And I've done the reverse. When I'm struggling now, I'll get into that headspace and ask for love and guidance from an older me, one who has made it through to the other side, one who has succeeded and triumphed.
But the most fun message that I got from this song can only be told as a series of synchronicities.
As I mentioned, this DVD was a birthday gift. Last Friday, I not only turned 47, I also reached a deadline that I had set for myself. I have been working on making a success of my book for almost five years and I was getting tired of trying. I've overcome incredible obstacles, with stories you wouldn't believe if I told you. Always, I was driven forward by a message from myself that I'm on the right track, just keep going, just keep going, and I'm seeing amazing things happen as a result, but no real money is coming in--at least not enough to support me financially so I can quit this little part time job that I hang on to because I have to contribute in some way to the household finances.
So six month ago I gave myself "six more months" ... until my birthday ... to make a living at this. In the meantime, I've started my own weekly radio show and Shape Shifters Groups are popping up all over the country. I'm interviewing guests on my show who are mirroring back to me the truth behind what I'm living so I know I'm on the right track. I've been pushing and pushing, appearing on other radio shows, and even on TV. I've sent out PR materials to all of the big TV shows who are close to being in spiritual alignment, all in an effort to meet that deadline.
Well, Friday came and went and by all physical appearances, I've failed. And according to the six month deadline I set up, I am now supposed to pack it in: take the book out of print, quit the radio show and say "the hell with it." Obviously, what I preach is all bullshit, if I can't even make it work in my own life. One thing that I will not be is a charlatan.
Friday was a horrible day, as my world came crashing down around me. For five difficult years I've worked toward this goal, and it's over. Just like that. Pfft ... up in smoke it goes. I spent a LOT of weeping and wailing energy, last Friday, asking "WTF???"
The next day, a friend came over with a newspaper article about a local rock/gem/mineral show because she knows I make wire-wrapped crystal jewelry and thought I might be interested in going. I wasn't, because I've got more crystals than I could ever wrap right now, but it did remind me that I want to make a pendant for a family member. So I dug out my old, dusty crystal boxes and happened upon one of my old favorites.
It's a raw ruby, with a very pronounced triangle naturally appearing on the surface. Those of you who are familiar with crystal lore already know that this means it's a "record keeper," that it supposedly holds a message put there perhaps by someone in Atlantis or Lemuria. You don't have to believe this is true, and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about its veracity, but it's a fun story to consider.
As I was holding and looking at this ruby, Melissa's song "Message to Myself" came to mind, and I realized that this stone had fallen into my hands at this specific time for a purpose. It's time for me to connect with an older, successful Lisa, one who has made it past this disaster and succeeded with exactly what I've been steering my life toward.
So, I made a pendant out of this stone and am wearing it constantly. Whether there is really a message in there from Atlantis or not is entirely irrelevant. It's not the stone that carries the power. It's the fact that I wear it as a tool, as a reminder that I can do this, that counts. Every time I see it in the mirror, or touch it or am in any way reminded of its existence, I am reminded to ask for a message from myself. And every time I do it, I feel myself moving closer and closer to the me that will be in that really cool future.
One of the most prevalent messages I'm getting from myself is to "release my attachment to the outcome." I've done everything that I know how or have the resources to do. It's time to stop pushing and just let it settle in to place. A pile of leaves will never settle as long as you're still running the leaf blower.
I've asked. Now it's time to allow.
Now, we'll see what happens. I'll still do the show as long as I enjoy doing it. I'll leave the book in print, because it takes no effort to do so. I've pushed the hang glider off the cliff's edge and am just going to enjoy the flight.
Here's the lyrics. Thanks, Melissa!
I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
I warned myself of the blackness in my chest
The razors in my heart would never rest
It's funny how you find just what you seek
Love is what you get when love is what you speak
I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
I made every choice along the way
Each day I spent in hell I chose to stay
It's funny what you fear can make you weak
Truth is what you get when truth is what you speak
I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
So if you are listening
I am just passing through
You can take some for yourself
'cause it works that way too
Sha la la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
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